breathe,
stretch,
shake,
let it go!!!!

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    !!!
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well i have been sick for the past few days....
there must be an invisible 300 pound man on my chest!!!


but anyways.........

Checkerpalooza III
&
My Birthday Party
October 7th
my back yard
good stuff
good times
good people

im me on aim xnikicolax508x 
myspace me or leave a comment here for more info on bands and times etc.

kthxbye
p.s. my real day of birth is the 9th :)

this past month has got to be the worst fucking month and or period in my life in a long time....i am in disstress and there is absolutely no one around to help me... fuck friends fuck family....wtf ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhfuck fuck fuck kjhfgjknwEGKLH

I stole this from someones lj...

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up a whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life... You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' or 'how very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love. I hate love. 

its true and i love it.

i went to orientation today... i start working (for a week) on tuesday and my last day is saturday...ill be there until 3pm so someone better f*in visit me!
i believe someone took my snake bc brandon and i looked for him and we cant find him....but there is a possibility that hes around.  and i still cant get over the fact that someone stole my digital camera :( while i was... probably in the next room...wtf.. i never really go out of my way to buy something expensive for myself....that i can have forever...clothes you out grow or they are no longer ur style. i had alotta good pics and memories on it....but w.e what can i do?
my mom is the sweetest...i just want everyone that reads this to know that.
im craving margaritas tonight??
<333

 went to my hearing today it sucked.
i was and still am nervous and scared for the outcome.

so dad and i are talking once again and hes bringing me to get a new phone
and he got an apt near boston:)

i love all of my friends.
but i isolate myself alot.
im glad were all talking again.

i once again have the internet. i was getting sick of going to my moms. shelli is always on and if she isnt then my mom is. not to mention that i feel like shes pushing me out the door. this whole no job thing sucks. i need to get one fast. however there is income flowing in but hardly enough. bills, food, ciggarettes. i have absolutely no jeans so if u come over my house i will probably be wearing sweats. 
so wickson moved in. thats straight. but in order to do this i had to kick my dad out. what 18 yr old do u kno that kicks her father out? probably someone but w.e.
okay the whole story....
before i moved in here with only brandon, i was living with him and two other boys. one of these boys took my cell out of my room. alright so this doesn't sound that bad but this boy stole my phone so he could make sex calls off some porno from the bathroom. this boy managed to rack up a close to $1000 cell phone bill. so when my dad confronted me about this i agreed to let him stay at my new apt when i move. for 1 month. until the bill was cleared. i dont have $1000 to give him. obvisously. but anyways he stayed here for two months and then i get this call from wickson and he wanted to move in. so i said yes. my dad stay was over. brandon and i couldnt take it any longer. my dad is a mersirable person. dont get me wrong ilove him and i think of him everyday. hes homeless once again.well, he lives in his car and sleeps in rest areas and goes to work everyday. he makes good money too. but he has so much debt. 
hes not talking to me. i try to call and i get his vm. its almost been 2 wks. i feel so bad. and it hurts. because i cant help him. i moved out bc i didnt want to live with either one of them anymore. my father has friends and family that would help him and give him a place to stay. but hes stubborn and if you and i have ever fought now u kno who i get that from. ive got nothing left to say to him. even if he gave me the chance.